The world of professional ballet can be cut-throat—literally. Jamison Shea’s debut YA horror novel, I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me, takes an unflinching look at ambitious young women in a highly competitive field and the hellish lengths to which they will go to achieve their dreams. If you like morally gray female characters who embrace their dark sides, you definitely don’t want to miss this book, which came out last summer.
Laure Mesny knows that the deck is stacked against her. Not only is she the only Black ballerina in her class at the prestigious Parisian academy, but she is completely on her own without any support—emotional or financial—from her estranged parents. Meanwhile, her wealthy, white classmates have all sorts of social connections to help pave their way, especially Laure’s best friend Coralie, whose mother was a star ballerina in her day and now sits on the board of the Paris Ballet. But Laure has something that the rest of them don’t: a wild, desperate ambition. Laure is nothing without ballet, which is why she’s willing to sacrifice everything else to make it in this world. She gets the chance to do exactly that when Josephine, the industry favorite who rose through the ranks at an unnatural speed to become the star soloist, decides to share her secrets. Josephine has made a deal with some primordial creature called Acheron whose shrine is housed deep within the Paris Catacombs. And when Laure is presented with the opportunity, she strikes her own deal without hesitation. The bargain brings her into a tight community of others who have sacrificed bits of their humanity to pursue their ambitions, but it also puts a target on her back. Someone else knows about the river of blood that grants wishes beneath the catacombs and is hunting down everyone who has made a bargain. Laure’s new powers bring her so close to achieving the stardom she’s always dreamed of, but to go all the way she’ll have to decide just how much of herself she’s willing to sacrifice.
This novel centers on the classic Gothic concept of a Faustian bargain—but with quite a different moral lesson than most such stories have. Despite the challenges that it brings, Laure never regrets the deal she has struck with an entity of the underworld. In fact, she returns multiple times to enter into new bargains with the god-like being. It’s hard to flinch at the blood sacrifice when her daily life involves losing toenails and accruing bruises and blisters as she works her body to the breaking point during ballet practice. As for the more metaphysical sacrifice, Laure has already made a Faustian bargain of sorts when she joined the ballet world. Every day she sacrifices parts of herself—her free time, her self-image, her dignity and self-respect, her mental and physical well-being—to the academy and the often cruel and fickle people who hold her future in their hands. At first, her deal with Acheron feels no different than the sacrifices and compromises she is accustomed to making. But over time, Laure grows to trust Acheron—and herself—far more than she trusts the treacherous world of professional ballet, and her bargains with Acheron become a way for her to reclaim control and agency over her own life.
As Laure embraces her deals with Acheron, she also comes to embrace both the monster in herself and that in her love interest Ander. For both characters, their extensive bargains begin to result in a physical transformation. Ander, who once came to the river in search of beauty, now spends most of his time in a beastly form—an antlered monster with four eyes and blood-red skin, who exudes poison like the toxic plants in his other-worldly garden. Laure, meanwhile, finds that the more she uses her powers—especially if she gives in to her more violent urges—the more her monstrosity manifests externally. Her fingernails grow into claws, which she has to keep trimmed down, and her irises turn the blood-red of Acheron’s waters. Though these side-effects of the bargains might seem undesirable to the outside world, Laure and Ander revel in each other’s monstrosity. Laure finds Ander’s beast form just as compelling as his human form, while Ander worships Laure when she is at her most vicious and powerful. His admiration helps Laure to accept her darker side, as well.
If you’re looking to pick up some more books by Black authors this Black History Month, definitely check out I Feed Her to the Beast! You can find it on shelves now at your favorite local retailer, or buy it online and support The Gothic Library in the process using this Bookshop.org affiliate link. Once you’ve read it, let me know your thoughts in the comments!